“i think, therefore i am/i am, therefore i think”

‘‘I am, therefore, I think,’ mused Descartes,

sipping rough booze at the Minstrel’s party.

The party revellers were feeling pissed,

and found it quite hard to follow his gist.

‘Can you just shut up, boring old René?

You're ruining the Minstrel's soirée.’

but

‘Sum, ergo cogito,’ spouted our fuddy.

‘Pray hither take heed of my learned study.’

The drunkards were getting more distressed.

They found dull René hard to digest.

‘While your theories are, doubtless, irrefutable,

you're killing the vibe, that's indisputable.’

‘Je suis, donc je pense,’ our man persisted,

as he quaffed his wine, mincing, limp wristed.

The party guests were increasingly riled

by the dreary rants of this brainy child.

The ramblings of this party pooper

had left them all in a numbing stupor.

The booze made them feel quite irate.

They resolved to set the record straight:

‘If you think your bod will outlive your mind,

your theory is rather unrefined.

If you think your mind will outlive your bod,

then stop being such a pompous sod,

or we will have to prove your thesis

by smashing your head to tiny pieces.

And then we'll see if you can still think!

So fermez la bouche and have a drink.’

This threat made Descartes feel quite unnerved.

He headed to the dance floor unobserved,

resolved to shimmy the night away,

with his soulmate, Galileo Galilei.

The strong red wine made René feel woozy,

the evening was was extremely boozy.

René was getting rather bemused.

His ideas were more and more confused.

His whirly pool head was swiftly spinning.

Philosophy lost! The wine was winning.

His quotes he could hardly recall.

In fact, he remembered bugger all.

Hard as he tried, he could not coerce

his mind not to think in reverse.

The wine had gone straight to his head.

‘I think, therefore I am,’ he said.

And thus, amidst drunken mocking and scorn,

a vanguard theory was humbly born.

Nuala McEvoy is from North West England, but has lived abroad for many years.  She currently finds herself in Germany.  She is lucky enough to have called many other places home, including  the UK, Romania, Turkey, North Africa and Spain.  Nuala enjoys writing  and  painting.  She is also struggling to learn German.  She is happy to have had some of her writing published in Lighten Up Online, Funny Pearls UK and Little Old Lady Comedy. 

Twitter:  @mcevoy_nuala